Continued...8
Why C.A.S. should never of reintroduced my daughter’s father in her life? The reasons never stop. I don’t care about a pot of water being thrown at me and if it was hot or not. Like it matters when the yolk was dripping down my face. I told him while he was making hardboiled eggs. That they weren’t ready yet. I laughed when I was right and he threw it all at me (pot of water included). I left while pregnant for a reason. Not once in her existence did he call, show concern or want to be in her life. He took me to court when he was with his third girlfriend (child in tote) I think, hard to keep track of. Courts determined he was to keep paying the child support his girlfriend felt he shouldn’t.
He was not sexually healthy. Might have a lot to do with his mother. She bathed him until he was 16. There were a lot of red flags. He wanted to be urinated on and defecated on. I did not have the time to figure out what those reasons may be. All I know is he constantly begged for it. I never defecated on him. I only a couple of times let a little trickle come out. Who needs to pee during sex for crying out loud? He wanted it grinded into his abdomen. It wasn’t long after that I broke up with him. Met him at age 14 and left at 15 while pregnant. It took awhile to convince him that it was over. No child needed to be in that home.
After having her, I thought it would be okay for a supervised visit with myself. To let him meet his daughter. My daughter was two months old. Upon going out to the kitchen for a bottle and coming back around the corner. I caught him frustrated with her crying and tossed her on the bed. That was it for me, no more.
I got in touch with him again when I wanted to get my daughter out of the care I put her in. I thought a united front would and help get her back. He said yes to this but never followed through. Instead he thought it was a another time to get back together. He cheated on his current girlfriend ( who also has one of his children) with me. Then wanted to date both of us. She could not be the bigger person and just leave over the fact we had a child together. Which really didn’t matter to me. I didn’t want him back at all. She wanted to be in the bed with us. I’d had enough and left. Later I got a call and was in shared accommodation and went to get her out of care myself. I was also notified that this was in the nick of time. They were about to let the foster parents adopt her.
He was again in her life after I got her back from care as a toddler (2 yrs). He was to have a few visits and they stopped after it was only his mother looking after her. It was also because I told him not to take her to a bar. I knew he played darts and didn’t want that. Who brings a baby to a bar? He did it anyway so he could introduce her to his friends. Appropriate? Not by a long shot.
He was in her life again briefly as an 8-year-old for a few visits. Only because my stepfather got in touch with him at a bar. Her father misinterpreted the exchange, thinking I wanted to get back with him. My stepfather told me he wanted to see his child. I knew this was not accurate. In the conversation that went on for a half an hour he not once even mentioned her. Until I said isn’t there something you should be asking about like your child? The call started with him phoning, saying so you wanted to talk to me. I told him in the next planned visit. I did not want her going in the water at a pool party. I knew he could not swim and was afraid of the water. I do not care who else was there. He was the one responsible for her. My child came back and when he left broke into tears. She had come down into a rubber tire from a slide (that’s the deep end). Went under water and could not make it back up. Someone had to jump in and get her. The next time he took her to a batman movie in the theater. They were kissing on screen and her father actually asked her if she knew what French kissing was? Then proceeded to explain it to her. Very inappropriate I stopped the visits. Know that he if he wanted to, could have pursued visitation all on his own with a court process.
She would not have had the option at 16 to resort to going to his place if the agency had not insisted, he have visitation. She would have gone to a shelter which would have been 100% better for her. She left because she was under a grounding and I did not want her going away to Algonquin Park with a person named Steve. Age 23, Who claimed to be a school liaison with the police. His parents also lived in the same town my middle daughter’s, father’s, brother lived in. She had asked him several times to just find someone his own age. He would not stop. He brought shrimp that went bad on the drive and fed it to her. To this day she won’t go near it. Thinking she is allergic. Her father and his girlfriend allowed this to go on. Her dad had been punching her in the arm, hard, while staying there when the baby was sleeping. He also preformed oral on her. When I found out (she was 18). I called the police left a message on the answering machine, no one got back to me. I reported it to social services when going to another support court date. Years later reported it to David Oats of Native Child who apparently investigated and was fine with my daughter being called a liar by both her father and his girlfriend. He probably got the idea he could do this because in a phone call to me when they were taken, I said Oh the court papers are lies she wasn’t telling the truth in a lot of it. I was angry about this face belt thing, her manipulation with the drug comments and the bat. I didn’t explain that to him. I also said the agency was investigating me for molesting my children. I think he thought my daughter said I did. He was never charged. He later kicked her out from the place when he noticed he still had to pay the child support. He could have gone to court instead, not my problem. When called in to be spoken to before starting visits with my daughter. All he did was commend me on the way I parented and also brought up the maternity pants I made. In his first interview with Ms. Holmes.
This would not have happened at all if the agency just listened to me. I told my daughter before she left about the sexual issues, mainly the urinating and defecation. She left anyway and asked him about it. He lied and said this was something I liked. That once I had to go to the bathroom during sex and he didn’t mind me just going on the spot. Can you freaking imagine that! At 18 she told me about what her dad did screaming at me that it was my fault because her dad said she looked so much like me. He also told her that when he had visits at 8. There was an incident with drugs, he turned having to wait because she had just finishing lunch and washing her hands. To he came in and she was finger painting in hash and had to be cleaned before they went out. I don’t smoke oil.
To further my case about him and to prove he actually committed the act years prior. Later after breaking up with a current abusive boyfriend. She left and went to her father’s for help. He was still with the same girlfriend from the time of the first sexual assault. He was then fine with leaving his relationship and returning to my daughter’s townhouse with her and her children. He manipulated and long story short began sleeping with her. This was reported to C.A.S. by the boyfriend and father of two of her children. Still this man has not been prosecuted. He only left when she would not participate any longer. She felt she was getting him away from her sister living there. She even asked her sister there if he had done anything to her. She thought she was protecting her.
Oh and about letters he may have spoke about. His mother was sent to Scarborough General Hospital’s out patient program. After speaking to a social worker about us. When we went in and responded that was the result. It was over the need of her wanting to make me her dependent and a daughter. They were not explored beyond erotic taboo letters. There weren’t many and didn’t mean anything to either of us. Is my perspective. I don’t know about him. Or the girl he was with who may have gotten into them along with my clothes and record albums. The one he lived with when my daughter was in care at 5 months old. Get over it. I did pretty much a week after they were written. I have been expressive and writing since a very young age. Stories were something I did as a hobby. The attitude was like as if, is it suppose to be like this when writing it. They were the first ever attempt as something provocative. I also mailed him a letter pretending to be anonymous to confirm he was a cheater. Turns out I was right.
My daughter has suffered years of abuse at the hands of these Village Idiots! Not to mention what my entire family went through. This was not because of her home life. C.A.S. is responsible for an extreme amount of damages to us all.