Continued...7
Reflecting now is far from surreal. To think I didn’t have a partner properly supporting me through this. No one to talk to, no one to help. No one reaching out, not one phone call. The urgency, panic and anger that fell across his face as he dropped everything and ran to the school. The day my son went into the care of C.A.S. Far cry from the absent look on his face when I returned home, fuming to find him sitting on the couch. Acting, is what I see now. Pretending he was dumbfounded and didn’t know to go to the principal’s office, I called from when my kids went into care, over the bat incident.
Not needing to provide a clean urine test. Only ever providing one and not passing. Only attending one Anger Management meeting with me. Not asked or expected to continue. C.A.S. made it a requirement to keep my children. I needed to stay with this clown. Who I was entirely fed up with. I had stated that I was breaking up with him and going to be holding C.A.S responsible. That was their response. I had several ridiculous verbal requests from Ms. Holmes when I got my children back. This one doesn’t even top the most bizarre. The Anger Management therapist and a counsellor for my daughter at a Good Will services were the only things my worker set up for me. Aside from a hair test at Sick Children’s Hospital. I took the initiative. I immediately the next day went to my doctor’s office and began urine testing scheduled appointments. My daughter had said I smoked something in a bottle (bottle tokes of hash). Which chain of custody came into question by the agency. How insulting to my doctor’s office. I then began testing across the street at a methadone clinic. I went and spoke to a psychiatrist for outpatient programs. As he read off a list of what they provided. I asked for the ones that were relevant to me. Starting and finishing them all and providing letters of completion into the office. Workers “and friends” were stalking me. Sitting in the next room as I was in for the Anger Management. Going to bars and restaurants (closing one down reporting under age drinking). Following along when my partner and I went out on very rare occasions. Joining the classes I attended and picked out myself at the hospital. Routinely on the busses I travelled on. The drug tests were passed with flying colors to be clear. Later Frankie would tell me the odd test they didn’t receive. All untrue, every test I took was handed in or fax over by the clinic.
The methadone clinic’s secretary told me about a counsellor. I set up an appointment and began a Just for Today harm reduction program. That just magically no longer provided legal service. The place was ironically was started by a lawyer. Yet with my son in care. There was a lady again looking like the estranged Aunt’s family. Saying she was a lawyer and introduced as one. Not in his main office. In a side cubical space. I think a fitting spot for this flipping DIXIE CUP. The group leader letting people know they could get advice if they wanted. To which I had zero reaction, didn’t care and never bothered with. The person then came up to me and was telling me she just moved from Newfoundland, was setting up an office. To which I asked if she needed any help that I had finished the classes at College and would love to even volunteer for the experience. I took down her information and even followed up later to no response. She asked about my papers. I said I was fine and didn’t need the help. She suggested I let her look them over because ya never know. She read them all and offered nothing. I know it was a set up. I knew what was previously said to me regarding legal advice. Never seen her again. Do these people even know claiming to be one and not is a crime. Acting in that position a worse one. The “crew” kept telling people I was saying or thinking I was a lawyer. No one who sat in my law clerk class would ever. There I also joined a group for Woman’s Anger Management. Far more legit than the woman at the hospital Ms. Holmes arranged. I also started College. I decided to take the legal courses and this was my only thought. To be able to defend myself should this happen again. I heard about the school from my sister who GRADUATED from a secretarial course. All this time also keeping every appointment with C.A.S.
They looked into the families medical files. My partners are pretty much non existent in comparison. Found no such thing as I avoided doctors. When talking about my son’s eyes. I explained we went to a specialist. Odd that Ms. Holmes would say. “Oh, specialist we don’t like to hear that word”. She was also strange about me going to school. I showed her the grades I had been getting so far. All she had to say was can I see a copy of your response. I could tell by her body language this was the only reason she wanted to see me. It started with your lawyer hasn’t filed your response. To which I was frustrated. I also said that my lawyer has a suit made from Teflon anything you say to him slides right off. I said this because he made me angry. Frankie had asked for a meeting at my address (on file). I would not give her my home address and explained I do not want to meet there. I would rather go someplace else. She at the time was sympathetic and understood my reasons why. When she was later in front of my lawyer however (first appearance going on record), she told him I was not cooperative.
I don’t see how she didn’t notice tit for tat. When in front of her lawyer I spoke of something she didn’t want mentioned or would not have used the words “off the record.” When explaining the worker was on my side in regards to the bat. She was not a children’s lawyer like my son’s ordeal later. This was odd, she had to know my address it was in the file. I only just realized what she did, at the time I thought she really needed the address. Not sure why my lawyer didn’t point this out. He must have had a billion things on his mind. These people had me so spun. I was at my mother’s and did not want to return to an apartment where the kids were absent. Resentment was in every pore for my ex. My lawyer said. Well, will you give me the information. I did and he immediately handed the slip of paper to my worker without hesitation. Like he had not heard anything I said. They were forcing me home. Where I could be observed. During this time, not once did anyone just sit down and talk with me about what was going through my head? How I was doing, feeling? Pretty crappy thing to go through, entirely alone.
I honestly believe Ms. Holmes started to worry when everywhere I went, I never discussed my court case with anyone. Appeared to be fine and not worried about my children or their abduction. No fretting about getting them back. She could not wait to get her hands on my documents. I did show the whole thing to my family doctor before handing it into my lawyer. I had visited his office, weak from no sleep or eating when they were taken and I was typing away. Who gave the best advice ever. You’re no good to your children if your dead. Start with chicken soup or even bullion. I was so sick and pale in that first visit, the new nurse asked if I was on psychedelics because of my eyes. I told her I had not slept in four days. Very offended while in the waiting room. I believe the old nurse left because of the current issues with C.AS. After he took the time to read every word, he gave more expert advice. Explained, this is well and dandy but you need to provide a plan of care and get up off your butt work on what was needed to get them back in laymen terms. When talking to Ms. Holmes another day about my documents. Over the lawyer not filing again. I also said I may get a new lawyer if I don’t hear back from him soon. I again stated how his suit was made of Teflon. I added my own reason as to why, maybe he was waiting for a payment. I told her I offered to pay some out of pocket to represent me. I explained my partner was working and we might be able to pay some on the side. Knowing how little lawyers receive from legal aid. I also told him that he would get more when I won the case and was happy he was representing me. He shrugged the whole thing off and continued to look at documents. Had I pushed the issue, I’m sure he would have explained that was not necessary. She took this to his boss. She wanted me abandoned, with no where to turn. She wanted those papers.
Theivanayaki Mohan also mentioned even though I said nothing about payment in the first meeting. That she isn’t going to accept any money and that it was illegal and would work pro bono. I did wonder why this was said. I was on assistance and had legal aid. I waited until she was done speaking and asked if I had any questions for her. I asked if a new certificate for legal aid was needed she said no. I know, that sounded insane to me. It tells you right on the papers to notify them of a change in representation. You also have to go through them to get one. I was so in the moment, all these things never occurred to me. I was more focused on the agency not starting up visits with my daughter’s father. I had previously wrote the reasons why in my response. I told her of a few of the reasons. They together, I’m guessing felt these were not good enough. The agency is, was and will always be wrong for allowing that man into my daughter’s life. A desire of the very person who called the Catholic Children’s Aid that started the whole thing rolling. Only because she was personally affected by one of her son’s not seeing his child. Had the nerve to ask me if my daughter, only my daughter seen her father. I seen no reason to talk to this person about any details. It was just not any of her business. This person also failed to protect her own down syndrome adult daughter from her husband and his sexual abuse. I actually reported once to her. That I personally witnessed. All she did was get mad. Now that daughter maybe non verbal for all I know. She was in a wheel chair when I last spoke to her.
Frankie also wondered why I even picked the law firm. Thinking heaven knows what. It was the one open right by the legal aid office that had family law on the window. I know now these are the top defense lawyers in Canada. Maybe they should be asked about why and who else they represent. She had no right to do what she did to someone so over the top qualified. The stalkers were also in the office when I obtained legal counsel, the walls were paper thin. The person mentioned how being online could get you into trouble. Yip yapping away in the waiting area. Overly embellished even spoken to about simmering down.
On one trip to the office, being told about the tapes (transcripts). By workers that seemed to form their own “Crew.” Workers like Frankie Holmes, butch looking. The word also describes the ones following us to bars and restaurants. I came back to the basement apartment to find all the pockets ripped inside our jackets hanging up. I knew someone had been in the apartment while Andrew and I were at that meeting. Tapes Andrew didn’t find all that overwhelming.
Where online this was said to be a gay bar on Charles Street. Room members bragged about going to. The main office where Frankie Holmes originated. Also where I took the fake psychological evaluation test. I ask you does it make much sense to have the family in Scarborough, office in Scarborough, a child’s placement in Scarborough and the report from Scarborough yet have someone from a totally different office being the second worker I meet and assigned to the case? There are a boatload of workers in the office in Scarborough. Which I spoke aloud about in the basement against the office. Claiming bad memories, not true I hadn’t given the place a second thought. I had them when they took Justin actually working out of an office at Don Mills thinking it would be better for me. I switched to the closer office immediately. For the convenience of visits to the place.
My children should have been returned as soon as they found the allegations false. To anyone going through a similar situation. I’m here for you. It’s very difficult. Stay on track and focused. For those who have lost the fight. Perhaps it’s better late then never. There is nothing stopping you from making the changes and providing a stable home. Once you have some time (like 2 yrs at least) doing these things and taking the right steps. Ask a lawyer if it could be at all possible to petition the court for even just visitation. If all is lost. Do it for yourself. If that child wishes to one day get in touch with you. You can be something and somewhere to proud of and leave the past in the past. Forgive yourself. Hang in there, reach out there is help.