Continued...13
While in Family Residence it was suggested I talk to a psychiatrist prearranged. He turned out to be the Chief of Psychiatry in Scarborough. I know this was set up because of what I had said in that basement apartment. His office was where I had gone to college. I told him this in the first meeting. He told me in the same appointment I was to take my medication or he would see to it that I would not see another doctor. I was thrown off by this and found it very odd. Now I see that all emergency rooms no matter my ailment only sent me to a Psych. Ward. I went two years with serious stomach pain untreated. Until my gallbladder was finally removed and was the worse one (Etobicoke General) seen, all full of tumors.
The shelter worker insisted I take the papers from social services to this shrink and have me switched to O.D.S.P. I was not confident that would even happen. Most spend a very long time getting denied over and over again. She was of the opinion it would be more money and it didn’t hurt to try. Ya, sure. I had only been to his office twice. I brought him the papers. I asked if he could fill them out. I was not expecting it to work at all. I was surprised he took the papers and began checking off boxes. I did not see what he put down. He sealed them in the envelope. I know from my last stay at Humber these papers have me as a walking, talking invalid. It probably has people thinking I cannot tie my own shoes. He had me going to a Day Program unnecessarily for two years. Where did his opinion come from? He had literally, just met me.
The doctor at Humber in my latest stay also the same staff that was assigned to me in my earliest stays at Humber. When I moved into the new area. Where he felt, (before getting any records) I was a high functioning Bi-polar type 1. Knew I did not need a Day Program. Was the first to prescribe quetiapine. Lied on my admittance forms with the most recent stay. He would not let me see an advocate. Signed a letter of my diagnosis as being a history of Bi-polar upon leaving. Given to the staff at Street Haven Shelter. After I told him of a head scan of a Schizophrenic mind lighting up differently than a normal brain and also deteriorates with time. Which I wasn’t. I told him I wanted tests (evaluations). To which he said the findings would not change his mind. Records of the past in hospitals everywhere state that my first admittance was a drug overdose. I was not unconscious until they needled me and kept me on a I.V. for three days. Letting me stir and fall back to sleep when a family member came to drop off clothes. It was a half-quarter of hash smoked in an hour. No one seemed to be aware of.
My worker from a housing program wanted me formed. She stated to the police. I was a Danger to Others but that I was Immobile. She signed them as a doctor. These workers also know what’s in my files and how I am on O.D.S.P. They even referred to it once in a meeting telling me “Well that’s why your on Disability.” I believe they also looked up my police false abuse registry by C.A.S. When not letting me move in until my roommate was released from hospital. Feeling we were the same. At first acting as though I didn’t meet their criteria. Pausing in the interview when bringing up abuse registry I could falsely be on. They took all of their clients from Humber Hospital’s Social Worker not legal Access Point. One worker specialized in addictions while the other took the more severe diagnosed patients. Her last tenant going into Ontario Shores. Guess who I got? Lindor (who read our leases to us on the same day) had newly put this all together and then left the organization. According to the workers, he ran around doing this to be helpful. At first he was gone temporarily then it was permanent.
The police are allowed to access the situation and come to their own decision but they did not and brought me to the emergency room. I told them she was not my doctor. Even said it to all of the emergency staff. The doctor (who lied) then signed the papers and admitted me saying I was suicidal and formed me for that. Had me stay for two weeks. He tried to get me to go back on lithium (no doubt a suggestion from my worker from reading my file) and I refused and allowed him instead to up my clonazepam. Which is almost fully tapered off now.
Lithium was first prescribed to me at Scarborough Grace. Where I asked what was in the needle they gave me, was it Lithium? To which he said we can try Lithium. This was in the first two years of my troubles. This hospital also restrained me to the bed. In a previous stay, for over 12 hrs. Where I had to use a bedpan. Made extra thirsty when I was given only a small amount of apple juice the nurse had to hold and let me sip. Until family members told the station I was not aggressive. I think the ambulance this time was scared when I asked to have my throat checked. Taking over an hour to come and get me from a 911 call. Setting up a bed on a ward is what I presume. The call was over thinking I had swallowed a chip from a glass and it had cut my throat. Lithium is a last resort drug. It’s when other medications are not working. It is not the thing you prescribe right away when you have only just met the patient and she has been in and out maybe a handful of times in the past two years. Very dangerous with many health risks. It took me a very long time to not have them prescribed anymore. On them I was dumbfounded and foggy.
My anguish all stemmed from that blasted Estate issue and the bio father’s side of the family along with all that was happening around me and the stalking. I even remember a visit to the now Michael Garron Hospital. Where security was called because I was screaming for my family doctor. They held me down and one guard actually pinching the skin, digging into my right shoulder. Threatening me first to stay still so they could give me a needle. I was not even moving when he did this. I also was taken again for being in a panic, mostly over the hospital visits and how they all turned out. When my son had an Asthma attack. Another time admitted here again. Where they observed me on camera for more then an hour. Had a doctor come in I never seen before or again. Who I felt looked like the shrink portrayed in a movie. The one Robin Wilson played in. Doc something. I mentioned this and he left. Again ordering a needle and sending me up to the Ward.
According to the nurse at Humber in this last stay. They were talking a lot of nonsense about me. I was also subjected to the questions of “have you any thoughts of hurting yourself?”
In reality my daughter called my worker over Facebook. I have not been to any of my children’s homes unannounced or uninvited. I was no threat to anyone. I really don’t care what either worker has to say about me now. Not one complaint was taken seriously by them that I had made over the four or so years in their program. These are the same workers that were already impressed by me and a copy of the letter of recommendation is in a family doctor’s file. The things did come out wrong on Facebook. I was manic.
Try taking any of the medications I’m on for as long as I have and stop. Which I explained to my family doctor (why I stopped). Me and my son were outside the unit and I was staying awake to ensure our belongings weren’t taken. Known to both workers. I was no longer seeing a psychiatrist for a few years now. The workers also wanted to change this and have me see one again.
They never spoke to me or accessed me on their own before labeling me dangerous. I had a problem with one roommate (new to the program and hating it) taking things, breaking things and just wanting the apartment to herself. I don’t care how verbal I got with her. She was the only one acting out physically. I seriously doubt the new roommate had any missing medication when she felt our mutual one stole them and reported that to workers. She locks her room at night and when she is out. Our doors are left open. She stole toilet paper. Put holes in a pair of my pants. Broke our shower and ripped the screen door to the unit. Bent my room key into the lock while I was showering. Took control of the fuse box and two fuses, she inner changed to have the power out in half my room. Hoping to cause animosity between the two of us. She was responsible for the cat going to the bathroom all over the apartment. She would close the door where the litter box was. She hated the smell going up to her room.
All because she hates the program and the workers lied to her. I did tell her that no matter how many complaints she makes it won’t matter if me or our mutual housemate leave. The workers will just bring in new people.. I’m sure she thought of getting others evicted when it worked for Susan to a point where a worker was finally screaming at her, causing her to leave. This roommate even called police on me prior to the workers wanting me formed. That didn’t go in her favor. When are workers allowed to scream at person with disability. Apparently it’s when they have to clean the urine from the client on the floors of the unit.
I know now from getting to know my roommate I first moved in with. That we somehow to these people looked the same on paper. I helped her through a lot of her problems she was very stable during that time. I believe they also know of her not quite right in her actions toward her children, Crown Ward. She told me of a story that involved her son and another time with a younger family member. Where she was cuddling them on a couch. She didn’t see where the whole thing seemed to be inappropriate. I knew, they were just like the girl that was in the Just for Today group. That mentioned something very inappropriate and by our next meeting had her child taken away. Believe it or not, over French Kissing. The workers string her along on this subject. Telling her they can help her call her lawyer. Instead of just explaining what Crown Ward is. Helping her with a letter to them for possible contact later is something they could actually do.
These supposed Mental Health workers are now intentionally causing her problems. They did not advise her not to take the Covid Relief money meant for working people. They can go to the office on behalf of clients and directly get the rent. Instead they are stressing her out over one month’s rent unpaid while she was in hospital. They know she was in financial trouble when entering the program. No bank would let her have an account and such on past behavior. They helped her with obtaining one. Certain pills could not be given to her because of the illicit drugs in her past. They know all the ways in which this individual client needs help. They even told her of a Covid credit obtainable through Revenue Canada with a paper they gave her to fill out and failed to tell me about.
This wrongly reported never corrected police abuse registry again interfered with my well being and had even my workers form opinions. Who wouldn’t?
All through the program the workers were supportive and assured me that going to the hospital would be fine. I was extra nervous about always being put on the Psych. Ward. For things that were medical. They offered to talk to them should it happen again. Finally I was being treated somewhat properly. I bet they think right now I’m homeless. They wanted me out of the program. Yet also wanted to interfere with me leaving and shelters. Speaking to the hotline first. Threatening my son with his probation officer. Not allowing him as a guest to visit me on the property any longer. He had done nothing to the unit or to the people in it. They wanted us separated. This behavior was impossible to deal with. I arranged everything and was back in Family Residence. I’m happy they are out of my life. I had not been at my place for months or met with them when they called police on me. I placed a call to them during my time away about a hospital visit. They assured me would go well. My son and I had ate something bad (found out at the hospital) and were sick. Instead the ambulance was checking if I was scared of needles. I had the doctor seeing us both, tell me I was pregnant. I had a recent Endometrial Ablation this was dangerous news. It was false and a lie by the doctor. To pull this call to the police a few weeks later and have me formed was utterly ridiculous. I know all these antics everywhere I go are all because of what people have said about me and have had done to me.
The program (Loft Northwest Services) I was in is a sham. No matter what the clients are going through they are only concerned with rent and government funding. One only needs to talk to the clients who are just mostly hard to house and have gone to Humber homeless.
During the time of me leaving they were insisting it was due to behavior. They changed the name of their organization to behaviorists on Google Search and changed the messages on their phones. Which use to tell you the actual name also on their letter heads. Magic, the kind that tends to happen around me. A whole organization just makes a new name. What a joke! I’m not Pavlov’s Dog. I think this group initially started to get the very ill people off the street and directed to permanent facility care when needed. They were so new they held no special clout with Social Services. Not like a woman’s shelter worker. When getting the Housing Stabilization Fund. The only thing they did have was pull at Humber Hospital. It’s strange how Loft was just a pop up around me. I wonder how many more unique places Lindor has set up before or since? They sprouted up just a short while after my daughter brought me to William Osler, Etobicoke General. Wanting me committed for life, believing I needed to be in a place like Ontario Shores, as if. Where it was a time I expressed self harm. I was scared and felt I should do away with myself before these people got a hold of me and would do much worse. I wrote my feelings on a paper and wanted to talk to my daughter about them. Instead she whisked me away to the hospital. I was in no way going to act these things out. They were only thoughts and a major source of anxiety and PTSD.
I wonder what Barry Fox would say now?